World Youth Day, the rip offs, the nut jobs and the rain.

So it begins!

The Ray Martin Ad for World Youth Day is awesome. Ray solemly stands, one hand in the trouser pocket the other in a loose fist looking very smug while in the Botanic Gardens with the Opera House in the background, just so we all know where is he and what State he’s talking about informing us all, we Sydney siders that more people will attend the World Youth Day than the Sydney Olympics. The Jinx Crew were left to wonder: 

A. How Ray can control himself from not screaming hysterically “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!” with his eyes bulging and sweat rolling down his brow is unknowable. Maybe smug over rides fear?

B. Why wasn’t Ray holding a koala bear? 

C. Wearing a Mary MacKilop t-shirt with the words “Heaven Sent”

D. Wearing a Mary MacKilop t-shirt while holding a koala bear and turning a snag on the barbie? 

E. How do can you learn to stand like Ray with that smug look on your face?

Yet the real earth shaking news was the Catholic Church opening it’s cash cow merchandise centre across the road from St Mary’s in Hyde Park. It was so heart warming to hear Cardinal Pell tell the media at the opening that “there was nothing immoral about commercialism“. The Jinx Crew is fairly sure there is something in the Bible about Jesus pushing over a money changing table close to the Temple but that could have been because they were out of “I Love Jesus” pins, the Bible was a little vague on the details.

 

World Youth Day 08 Merchandise Centre

The array of items on offer emblazoned with WYD08 is mind boggling and the overwhelming theme is how bad some of the stuff is. The cost of pins is from $10 to $20. There are “I Love Jesus” pins, “I Witness”, “Journey of the Cross”. There are spoons with B16 on the end and the consumer is informed that the spoon is NOT A COOKING UTENSIL if your willing to part with $15 you can get that spoon.

T-shirts as far as the eye can see, Rugby Jersey’s, Baseball Caps, Stuffed Koala Bears, Boomerangs, Rosary Beads and Hoodies. All are grossly over valued and proudly made in China. The tent and colours used are very much like those used during the Olympics and the cost of merchandise is in the same range. The upside to all this is within a very small space the Jinx Crew met an American, German and Mexican. Finally, we are getting to met the world we just all wish the pilgrims were a little hotter and won’t all wearing huge crucifix’s. The dead staring eyes of Jesus is a passion killer.

One thing not getting allot of attention at this stage is the new statue of JP II outside of St Mary’s. An interesting aspect of the statue is JP II is he’s shoeless. Strange none of the Jinx Crew could remember JP II getting around without his little white leather shoes or for that matter carrying Palm Leaves around the Vatican or around the World. Nor do we remember JP II been that golden all over.

 

New Statue outside St Mary

Like all Sydney Events of recent history the State Government have rushed through new laws, giving the Police and Federal Police new powers. Bewared, if your considered annoying you’ll end up prison. No word of a lie. Wearing an offensive t-shirt. You’re GONE! Telling people in a public place you’re Gay and the Catholic Church is wrong to tuff you out. Your GONE! Dressed like Pope Alice. You’re GONE!

The State Labour Government tried to suggest that the new laws had nothing to do with World Youth Day it was just a coincidence the law would be active during the same period. Also the State Government doesn’t want anyone to know how much World Youth Day is going to cost the taxpayers of NSW. Why? Well, everyone in the Jinx Crew is waiting to see if it’s $20 Million or closer to $50 MIllion whatever the cost it will be too much and the NSW taxpayers should not be footing the bill.

To make everyone feel at ease the NSW Police have started calling groups who have signaled on websites or through other media they would be protesting or having their own events close to Hyde Park or Randwick. Most of these groups are Gay or/and Lesbians protesting over the homophobic attitudes of the Catholic Church. The Jinx Crew favorite is Pope Alice, who looks allot like a alien sex toy with an African headdress who will be tele-porting door in her bright white Pope stylin’ robes during the “Get Frocked” Party at Darlinghurst. We are all eagerly awaiting the “out there” groups to emerge. We’re all wondered if the “Jesus is an Alien” will return or is he still on the Mothership in the Milky Way. How we miss seeing him standing on the side of the road holding his poorly written signs wearing his foil hat. Good times, good times.   

The Police started to call these groups wanting to know what they were doing and when. Strangely these groups didn’t take too kindly to these calls. WOW, who would have thought?! Nice to see the NSW Police doing such an expert role of sleuthing. Maybe the US should get the NSW Police to call Osama’s on his last known mobile number just to find out what the hell he’s been up to recently.

The downside for the organizers of World Youth Day is the high likelyhood of rain. We within the Jinx Crew never understood why this event was going to be held in the middle of Winter. The other thing is the weather is also hampering efforts to complete the set ups at Randwick Race Course. Work is now going on around the clock. We’re all sure the local residents love hearing power drills going at 3 am in the morning.

The award for poor organizing has to go to the Angolan Catholic bishop and 50 African pilgrims. The Bishop Kanda and fifty pilgrims arranged to come to South Australia for celebrations leading up to World Youth Day, they did not realise Adelaide wasn’t a suburb of Sydney. They believed their onward journey to Adelaide would be a formality not a ten hour trip on a bus over a distance of 2500 kms.

Their plight sparked a nationwide call and thankfully several generous benefactors came forward to provide the funds for the trip to Adelaide.

So who’s going to pay for this mess?

As reported in Sunday’s local papers Clover Moore the Mayor of Sydney had set a 5 p.m. deadline on Friday the 13th for a payment for the use of Hyde Park during World Youth Day. Clover checked and checked her account over the weekend and was very disappointed to discover the missing $150,000 had failed to come through from the Catholic Church.

So Clover pulled out the big guns and has basically told the good folk over at Saint Mary’s to find somewhere else to sell their bobble headed B16 and JC dolls and postcards with B16 on a surfboard wondering to himself “Where the hell are the brakes on this thing.” The reply from the Catholic Church was to claim the Iemma Government was footing the bill. Which Jinx is sure has come as a bit of a shock to a number of New South Walemen who aren’t Catholic and two since when does a elected Government start picking up the bill for religious events?

The money the Sydney Council is asking for is the re turfiing and general maintenance for Hyde Park which will act as a focal point for a number of events for the 250,000 pilgrims. It is also a chance for the the crew over at Saint Mary’s to make some cold hard cash selling! selling! selling! t-shirts, hoodies, caps and Lord knows what else. The Jinx crew is eagerly awaiting to see what type of highly questionable religious icons will be on sale. Will there be a Jesus with his heart on fire now available as a key ring or a weeping statue of Mary now available in 15cms and 25 cms? The bad taste items are truly endless.

At this stage no farther information has been forth coming about the payment, at this stage Jinx would be asking if it’s possible to get a credit card imprint from God just to smooth a few ruffled feathers. The Jinx’s crew MUST have a few dodgy World Youth Day items to purchase or we’ll just be praying all the time and eating dodgy sausages in between prays. The crew needs poorly printed and made t-shirts telling everyone how much we are enjoying own “eternal” lives or caps with WYD08 in terrible orange and purple combinations that will make anyone with epilepsy fall to the ground in a fit. If we don’t have that why bother going at all? We must have the dodgy merchandise stalls in Hyde Park so Catholic Church hurry up and pay the bill. We’re sure you have a few dollars laying around in the Vatican Bank you could use.   

The Pope, Jesus, a sausage sizzle and a packet of Tim Tams.

Its hard to imagine Jesus standing on the mount offering Tim Tams to the massed crowds but come World Youth Day no cost is been spared. Orders for sausages, onions, bread, tim tams and soft drinks have been dipatched, tonnes and tonnes of food will be made for the many events located around Sydney. Again it’s a little difficult to imagine Jesus chowing down on a pork filled sausage or the look on his face when the tomato sauce runs down his arms and leaves a huge red stain on his flowing white linens. I wonder which one of the Apostles would have pointed out the stain? James? Thomas? or would Mary have tried to get that stain out on the spot. 

Oddly enough there has been no mention of alcohol at any of these events. Again Jesus liked a drink, everyone remembers the water into wine party, the last supper had wine even if the event was a little bit of a downer with the whole crucifixion thing hinted at. Yet it appears the young folk won’t have a chance to booze it up on the name of Christ. Where’s the fun in that?

                                                         Tim Tam.

Don’t get Jinx wrong, she loves Tim Tams BUT  Tim Tams are not beer or spirits. Jinx loves Tim Tam Slamming as much as the next person, after two Slams your looking to Irish or Jamaican up the coffee in some hugely doses or that afternoon just drags on…. Eating non alcoholic handfuls of Tim Tams won’t make everyone within ten feet of you, your instant best friend forever and make you hug them often and repeatedly and it doesn’t matter how many sausages you have in a limp piece of white bread with under cooked onions on top with too much mustard and too little tomato sauce about to slide off onto your new pair of shoes you got at that super cool store that never ever carries your size for half the retail price will it make that guy from England look any hotter or allow you to ignore his BO issues.

In reality Jinx’s wondered what the overseas pilgrims will think when shown the only thing we in Australia thought to bring to the Papal shindig were some dodgy sausages. Will questions be asked about salads, like where are they and do Australians know what fruit and vegetables look like, will the pilgrims ask if the sausages have roo in them or worst ask if they can eat something not swimming in fat and blood. There will be many awkward moments Jinx’s feared for the person manning the BBQ with tongs in hand wearing the apron “Jesus is my Co pilot”. But if there’s alcohol all that could be avoided, pissed pilgrims will be delighted to get something fat and dripping with a question mark over the type of meat in it. It’s all part of the experience, a right of passage as it were.  

If the organizers really want people to experience some “eternal” joy during the World Youth Day Events they better get some booze ordered or Jinx thought maybe I could go down there with some alcohol pops and make some serious money selling them out of the back of my van. Jinx wondered what would Jesus do?

World Youth Day stimulates the sex industry.

As reported by news.com.au on the 3rd of June by Sean Plumbeck.

• World Youth Day tourism expected to boost sex trade
• Sex industry revenue ‘to grow by 8pc in next year’
• Brothels express doubt over WYD’s effect on trade

 

“THE sex industry is expected to be blessed with an increase in customers thanks to the most unlikely of sources – World Youth Day.

A report by Industry analysts IBISWorld predicted the 2008-09 financial year would see strong growth for brothels, strip clubs and prostitutes, primarily on the back of a marked increase in tourism levels to Sydney as a result of the Catholic Church’s World Youth Day. ”

Nice work B16, the report then goes on to suggest it won’t be the clergy or pilgrims who will be visiting the ladies in red but all the flunkies who follow the Pope around. That would suggest that B16’s entourage needs to be looked. Will B16 hug it out or punch it out with his crew?

It was heartwarming to hear that some strip clubs will keep a special table available for his Holiness if he feels the need to see but not touch some of Sydney’s fallen ladies. Jinx wondered if the Pope-mobile could fit into a Sydney strip club, that would stop any interaction at all. 

World Youth Day 2008

When reality settles in it’s always handy to a camera around, while enjoy the pleasures on offer down at the local pub, Jinx watched the evening news with a rye smile. The locals of Randwick were finally awaking from their slumber and realizing what it means to have 125000 pimple faced youths trampling through their suburb with a guy in a Popemobile leading the way. The locals looked very poe faced as they complained about been locked in their homes for two days. Would there be a mini baby boom with so little to do wondered Jinx, most likely not, but all the copies of Auto Theft IV would be out at the local video store. 

Settling down with the crew near the window looking over the bay Jinx wondered what World Youth Day meant for Sydney and all RC’s. A few suggested it was a chance to socialize with over sea’s tourists and have awesome sex. Another claimed to have been to a World Youth Day and find it was just one big piss up party.

Jinx wondered what it would be like to live in a bubble? Seeing as how that’s the way the Pope is treated. Driven around in a Popemobile that allows people to see the Pope and the Pope to see them but no interaction otherwise. No sermon on the hill for B16. Surely JC would have been heckled by crowds, how did he handle it? To live your life in museum, giving sermons from high on up in the Vatican. The Pope lives a life removed, detached from the rigors of everyday life of the average person. It would be hard and lonely life without family or friends but B16 had chosen that life.

The crew chatted about the types of people who would be coming, would a gay element make their presents known, would there be discussions about the role of woman in the church, what about the sex scandals concerning children, the status of AIDS in Africa. Would any of these issues be discussed? The answer is of course no. This is a chance for RC’s to come together, hold hands, sing, pray and pray some more and see the Pope in a Boat-a-cade. Check out the World Youth Day official site that word is used. There’s loads of chances to pray with strangers in groups, at churches or more naturally at racecourses, God is going to have a very busy weekend or does God just leave the out of office reply on.  

The posters around Sydney encourage all RC’s their have the time of their “eternal” lives. The general feeling within the crew was God, JC and the Holy Ghost weren’t that big on puns, if there wasn’t any Arch Angel, thundering voice from the Heavens or burning bush, just don’t go down the pun road with the word of God. The history of God would suggest God can be revengeful. 

When it was announced Sydney was getting World Youth Day many felt it would be APEC all over again. Jinx prayed hard it would be. The Chasers getting arrested dressed as Nuns and a city devoid of cars. APEC was awesome, getting around the city was never easier.

God Bless B16 thought Jinx, I may save a few bucks on petrol that week.